Wedding Level: Let It Go
You’ve read the wedding how-to’s and timeline lists, now be sure to add this to the list — the REALITY that weddings are a multi-level adventure video game.
NOTE* You may skip levels, or read levels that don’t apply to you and that is fine! I try to notate these variations as they come. So take it with a grain of salt, wedding planning experiences changes based on wealth, personality, level of involvement and cultural “must-haves.”
Yes, I admit, I am one of those people who dreamed and planned their wedding long before there was a partner to wed. I actually had many dreams over the years of me walking down the isle but the person waiting for me at the end of the isle was always a blur until I met Phillip. See our story here.
I have read the catalogs, the blog posts, and many many Pinterest articles that explain how and when to plan and decide what and how many for your wedding. It also helps that my oldest sister is a wedding planner and I spent the better half of my college years working for a pretty famous wedding photographer. So trust me when I say I got a clue ;) However, what these wedding planning guides don’t give you is a reality check of Wedding Levels.
Even with a wedding planner and day of coordinator, which I highly recommend for any and ALL brides, you still have decisions to make and budgets to curate if you want any “say” in your wedding.
Note, unless you have the money to pay a planner to regulate your timeline, budget, and find all your vendors for you and settle all contracts and deposits, then the rest might not be for you…
Wedding planning is a RPG game that has levels and I am currently on Level — Let it Go.
I’ll recap on the previous levels briefly.
Level — OMG I said yes!
The moment you are proposed to and you are so emotional and all excited and say yes jumping into your partners arms…except I was super awkward and so shocked and surprised not at the proposal but at the moment itself that I didn’t shed a single tear and instead of saying yes I said, hell yes and kissed Phil’s face.
Level — I know Everything or Help I know nothing
“I know Everything” is going to jump right in stress free and get organized. “Help I know Nothing” is going to seek the friend or relative that most recently got married and seek advice. Both personas should consult planners and both should get signed up on the knot or wedding wire to get your brain properly around the whole wedding thing.
Level —Viva el Pinterest
In this level you will travel by boat, plane, train, and car through the wondrous world of Pinterest. You guys my boards got boards! I was so excited when Pinterest released the ability to create sub-sections in your boards- Genius! I brought my Pinterest to life, got more detailed, figured our color palette, size of bridal party. Created mood boards for both engagement parties we were having. Pinterest even helped me decide who to invite with an info-graphic formula chart. BTW guests lists are the most heart wrenching act in my opinion, its so hard! Guys, if you don’t get invited to someone’s wedding please don’t feel offended. Weddings are expensive and the more people the higher the costs.
Level — Lets Get Real with Parents
Unfortunately not everyone has parents or grandparents to share their special day with. Also, if you are an older bride/groom, you may find that your parents, if around, opt out of any financial responsibility, this can really be the case at any age truly.
No matter the circumstances, if your parents are involved, you may find that it’s no longer your wedding. I don’t have the type of mother who wants to share her wealth and not have a STRONG say. I have a traditional Jamaican set of parents who feel it is their duty to host a “grand” wedding for their last child and daughter. However their “grand” and my idea of “grand” are not the same and their openness to new ideas have a tight budget.
I rather splurge on a photographer while my mother rather splurge on an item I don’t even want like an ice sculpture -__-
My suggestion! Get it all in writing from the jump. Ask your family and your partner’s family how they would like to contribute to your wedding. Honestly, its an honor if you have older traditional parents like Phil and I do. About a month after we got engaged we sat with our parents and figured out who will pay for what. We have a pseudo-traditional wedding. My parents are taking caring of many large line items like venue and food, while Phil’s parents are taking on items like the flowers and transportation. Everything else is left on Phil and I to cover. Fun fact, its traditional for the grooms parents to pay for the honeymoon…can you imagine! I wish! (We ain’t that traditional)
Level— Negotiate & Re-Budget
This level was like playing tag with vendors and friends. I actually really wanted to only hire artists for any and all wedding services. I want my money to go to my fellow creatives out here doing it. However, I wanted to pay them fairly, and therefore I had to minimize and minimize and offer other services of value to afford them.
I found myself negotiating with Pinterest, compromising with myself and Phillip. You go from the wondrous world of your Pinterest boards to the reality of what you can actually afford to accomplish. We have adjusted our budget trying to make it smaller about 4 times now as life events happen and pull away from our skimpy wedding fund.
Level — Return of the Parents
As Phil and I make choices I find my mother stomping on them. Even with items she agreed to pay for, if she doesn’t like my choice or style she waves her financial authority at me -__- Now, if you don’t have to deal with parents consider this a pro for you. Return of the Parents is the Loss I take for the sake of respecting their wishes and accepting that its not my wedding but ALL of ours. Every stakeholder wants to be heard and seen.
Level — Let it Go
Present Day! This is where I am. Phil & I moved to Atlanta 3-ish months ago thanks to my new cool job. However, he is still looking for steady work and my checks currently only cover our month to month bills meaning the wedding fund still is not growing. I’m confident God will pull thru as always and we’ll both gather more side work thru the year, but with 9 months until the wedding its time to let it go. Elsa taught me, and I take heed to her words. I am letting go of the little things like earpiece mics, up-lights, chair covers, family style seating, and lush floral pieces, and as time goes on I will continue to let go of much more I am sure. No wedding is worth going broke over! We have our lives to live and save for then to excessively splurge on an event more for family and others than for us. The honeymoon- thats for us. The ceremony- thats for us. The reception is just a party with free food, and drinks, and gifts for guests. So Let it Go!
I know this is easier said then done, and I would be lying if I didn’t share that I wept for my wedding. I shed lots of tears imaging what it could be if money wasn’t a problem, then I took a nap, woke up and committed myself to moving on.
Nobody got time for being a Bridezilla, nothing is worth such fire and anger and sadness on whats suppose to be a happy occasion. Channel your inner Frozen song and Let it Go!
Next levels I anticipate are…
Level — DIY Queen, when me and my Cricut maker go to town with wood, hot glue, and plenty of paint.
Level — Oh Shit Plans or Cut it, it never hurts to have emergency plans in place.
Level — Panic Monster, an ode to the TED talk by Tim Urban and a realization to all my born procrastinators out there.
Level — Who Cares, I’m marrying my best friend.
The level that everyone eventually ends at. Cause even in rain, sleet, or snow, late officiant, or toppled over cake, what you’ll remember the most is that you got married that day.
This levels are in my sequence but yours can occur in any variation. And like any great video game, certain levels may bring you to secret hidden or bonus levels that no one can foresee. See the light in every experience and ask for help! At least, I’ll be here for you.
Feel free to share your wedding planning memories- good or bad. Or if you are currently planning as well, what level are you on?!
