Death, Prayer, & Purpose

Stephanie Fleming
3 min readMay 23, 2020


Originally written April 26, 2020

Winter in New Haven — Stephanie Brown Photography

Death Prayer & Purpose

After watching the testimony my best friend shared:

I have lots of thoughts and feelings, all positive but it made me think about my perspectives and priorities

Places that I have been and how I’m trying to shift back to them so that I can get closer to God after feeling like I’ve been in a plateau/valley.

All in all I appreciate the perception of death. The idea of dying is scary. But it made me realize I’m not scared of dying but I’m afraid of dying before doing God’s will or before giving my all to submit to God’s will.

It doesn’t happen as often, but I used to have moments in time often when sitting on the toilet where my brain drifts off to think about afterlife. Who has it right? Wrong? Or is it another combination of all the above. In my mind I’m full of questions and scenarios of what I did or did not do prior to dying and if I did what I was meant to.

I see heaven and hell as conceptual terms not actual destinations. In this testimony I related with the concept that after you die you are either with God or not with God.

I’m definitely inspired to read more of revelation? Or whatever chapter in the bible describes more about where God resides.

The honest truth is that I am not of my own. God created me for a purpose and with intent. Even with free will and free liberties I was created with a beginning and an end. Who am I to covet a spirit and body not of my own? Who am I to not serve and revere the one who gave me life, who continues to give me breath, thought, and direction? I am no one but a child of God. The spirit of God resides in me, in each of us, and when we die we return to the one who created us, that is where we belong.


For me, Prayer has almost always been an act of internal conversation and thought. Its meditative. I think I sit in my mind and talk with God. A seemingly one-sided conversation with plenty of visual thoughts that play like a movie or collage. I think I’ll try this week starting my mornings in conversation with God. With a grateful heart and an honest desire to serve and submit.


What about your gifts and talents were given to you to glorify God?

What does God desire from you?

How may your gifts, talents and current situation reflect God’s purpose?

How do you hear God?

In what do you find assurance?

Are your desires and wishes aligned with the purpose over your life?

These are questions, often rhetorical, that I used to explore and want to re-explore based on where I am now. I’m asking God to guide me and help me learn to hear his voice clearer than ever before.

What about my writing am I evading? What about my writing and what I have to say or how I process ideas needs to be shared? What of that is apart of my purpose. I’m not sure if I’m being disobedient when I nervously evade writing and sharing what I write. I used to feel compelled to write, write, and post. As of late I have put too much thought into it. Is it grammatically correct? Do I have an image for this post? What will people think? Am I sharing too much?

Even though it has been years since I have revisited these questions listed above, my prior revelations are still close to heart. I know that my gifts and conceptual areas of interest are in line with Gods purpose over my life. I have a solid and honest desire to help others and I believe God wants me to help them with my work, with my ability to bring people together, to provoke, and to inspire conversation, dialogue, healing.

Originally written April 26, 2020 by Stephanie



Stephanie Fleming

I’m an exhibiting artist and learning experience designer. Questioning everything and sharing of myself. AKA Stephanie Brown in those art streets.